I’m not only a new mom, but I’m also a single mom. My daughter is just an infant and her biological father and I ended our short relationship before I knew I was pregnant. I was okay with the relationship being over. I didn’t necessarily want him back, and I was never going to entertain the idea of rekindling the fire just because I was pregnant.
If you’re thinking about throwing me a pity party, don’t. Honestly, it feels right to be raising this child without her father. I remember daydreaming years ago about having a child one day, and somehow in my mind I was always doing it alone. I don’t have to co-parent, and it feels amazing to me. Is it hard? Damn right it is! I’m absolutely exhausted, and I do need help with my daughter (which is why I live with my mom for the time being), but I make all of the decisions. I didn’t have to agree on her name (thank goodness, because I thought of her name years ago and I’ll be damned if I was going to waiver!).
I recently made the decision to just bed-share. For now, it’s just easier, especially since I’m breastfeeding. If her father was around, I wouldn’t be so comfortable with that sleeping situation (then again, I would probably end up kicking him out of bed).
They say to wait until 6 months for cereal. My daughter’s increasing appetite told me that I needed to start giving her cereal earlier than that. I started her at 3 months old and she’s already a pro. My mother suggested it at 2 months and I waited. It was my decision to start her on it.
There are a ton of little decisions parents have to make, and normally there are two of them talking it out and either agreeing or compromising and while this works for most, I just didn’t seem to see it working for me. Don’t get me wrong: I did not become a single mother on purpose. In fact, I was coming to terms with not having any kids at all when I found out that I was pregnant.
My life is not ideal. I burned through everything I saved when I moved and fought to find a suitable job, then had to take 2 months off after having my baby. It’s all gone. I’m behind on my bills. I’m on WIC and foodstamps. I live with my mother.
Some people would use this as an excuse to whine and sit on their ass. I found that job and it’s now a full-time position that could have career potential if I apply myself. I have a beautiful and happy baby. I created life and I get to watch her discover, learn, and grow. It’s an honor to do it.
I know my situation isn’t “ideal”. I know it takes two for a reason. I can’t deny, however, that doing it this way feels right. Even though I am absolutely overwhelmed, I can devote all of my attention and affection to my child instead of splitting it between her and a significant other. I’m grateful for being in a situation that allows me that kind of control.
I am definitely in a good spot, despite being in a not-so-good one at the same time. (Wrap your head around that one!)
I have a good job, I have friends, and I have a wonderful child that I thought I’d never have. Make no mistake that I am happy despite life’s shortcomings. My little goofball is worth everything.
Find the good in all of the bad, my darlings.