Real Life is a Bitch

I haven’t touched my laptop since the weekend before I went back to work. Long days and a high maintenance infant have kept me away.

How many of you have had a not-so-ideal babysitting situation? How did you handle it? It’s my third week back at work and my daughter has already caught her first cold, been exposed to head lice, and today I had to call out from work because the sitter is too sick to care for her. That spot at daycare can’t open fast enough!!

I like my job. I like where I work, and I like the people I work with. I like having career potential. I never thought I’d like working with numbers but working in a financial institution is pretty nice.

So what happens when I call out too much? When is the last straw? I don’t want to find out!

I’m not going to lie: I’m going to soak up all the cuddles I’m bound to get today. Any extra time I can get with my daughter is a true blessing. Also, I just ate ice cream for breakfast. No regrets. The weather here has been awful for the past week, and I have declared that rainy days are pajama days (unless you have to be out in public, obviously), so of course I have also changed back into pajamas!

Since I’m stuck at home today, I’m hoping to find a silver lining. I have been craving meatloaf, but it takes too long to cook to start it after work. As long as my high maintenance bundle of joy will let me get it put together later today, I think it sounds like a nice dinner! Comfort foods are perfect for cold, rainy weather (in May).

Real life is a mess, but you always have to remember to find something good. Find something to make you smile. Appreciate the little blessings. Allow me to share a few:

  1. I unexpectedly get to spend a day with my daughter.
  2. I’m noticing my stretch marks getting lighter now that I’m moving around more (and drinking more water!).
  3. I get to actually drink my two cups of coffee!!
  4. I can poop in my own bathroom when the urge comes (been having some issues in that department lately).
  5. If I finish this quickly, I can get some cleaning done that I have desperately been wanting to do.
  6. Did I mention I get extra cuddles today?
  7. Ice cream for breakfast!!
  8. Pajamas!! Comfy clothes!!

I could think of two more to get an even 10, but I think you get the idea. Even in a situation that isn’t ideal, there are still little things to find to smile about. When shit hits the fan, even the smallest thing can be the best thing about that day, and that’s okay.

Got any favorite rainy day recipes or movies? Got any advice? Let’s hear it!

I Can Feel My Heart Breaking

Today is my last day of maternity leave. Tomorrow my daughter is 8 weeks old, and I’ll be returning to work–full time instead of part time. I’m waiting for a spot to open at a daycare center, and until then she’s going to be with an at-home caregiver. I’ve met her, and she’s kind and has done all the right things (references, background checks, a degree, etc.), but I’m still slightly uneasy about it. My heart is heavy just thinking about leaving my precious little girl with somebody I haven’t known for longer than a week. I hate this.

This weekend I’m spending reflecting on these past 8 weeks, and how much she has changed. She’s gone from eat-sleep-poop-repeat to adding playtime to the eat-sleep-poop-repeat routine. She’s finding her voice, cooing and smiling and reacting. She’s trying to laugh, and she’s so close. She has almost full control of her head, she’s trying to find her thumb. I now know exactly when she’s pooping. She stops everything she’s doing and stares off into the distance, and then you hear the straining grunts that can only be used for pooping. And oh, can you feel that diaper filling up. I find it hilarious right now.

She’s becoming her own person already. She has changed an incredible amount in just two short months of life. It is absolutely amazing to watch, and my heart breaks because I won’t get much time with her to continue simply watching her change.

My daughter is amazing. She’s strong, sweet, and goofy. I want to stay home with her, but I can’t.

I’m a single mother and I have to take care of my sweet daughter. And my heart hurts because it means I have to spend 40 hours a week away from her.

I thought making the decision to raise her would be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but now I think to leave her with a babysitter while I go to work will be. I can only hope that she will one day understand what I’ve had to do to take care of her, to make sure she always has clean clothes and diapers and food in her belly. She is the light of my life and I will do anything to make sure she has a happy and fulfilling life.

Cookie Woes

Oh, Nestle Tollhouse…you have failed me today.

I was at the store with a list while my mom stayed at home with my baby, and I was determined to stick to this list and get through the store as quickly as possible. Of course, being in a small town such as this one, you’re going to run into somebody that you know, and you’re going to have to talk to them for a few minutes. I showed him pictures and talked to him about what it’s like to have a baby and about work. During our conversation, I spotted the familiar yellow package of refrigerated cookies. We almost never buy these because we just make our own and they taste fantastic, but I saw the flavor “lemon blueberry” and I was sold. Lemon poppy seed cookies with blueberry filling. Sounds fantastic, right? I thought so, and snatched up the package.

It took me a couple of days to finally get the cookies baked. I followed the directions and preheated the oven to 350 degrees, and put half of the cookies on the cookie sheet. I baked them for 10 minutes, and the bottoms were browner than I care to have my cookies, so for the next batch, I turned the oven down to 325. To my dismay, I got the same results with the second batch of cookies. They weren’t soft (I didn’t bake them for as long as the package said, so they should have been softer than they were), and the bottoms were too brown. It took away from what should have been a happy combination of flavors.

I just sigh thinking about these cookies and what they could have been. You disappointed me, Nestle, and I’m sorry to say it.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m going to eat them anyway. Can’t let these cookies go to waste if they’re mostly edible!

Have you been disappointed by a new thing? Or even a recipe that’s supposed to be “really great!”?

“Cash Me Ousside…”

A phrase uttered with zero enunciation by a preteen girl heard ’round the world. Are we tired of it yet? It seems we aren’t, considering this young girl is supposedly set to make millions this year.

What have we come to? We are giving our hard earned money to a disrespectful brat that can’t take the time to properly enunciate her words or even put them into a logical sentence. I’ll admit that I’m not perfect, and my grammar has certainly taken its toll between being out of school, living in a meth lab-filled area, and having an infant all of a sudden. That doesn’t mean I don’t try. Another burden I bear is getting tongue tied on a regular basis. I make an effort to make my words clear.

I watched that infamous clip a couple of times. I saw her mother sitting across from her, listening to her daughter’s vulgar words and watching her defiant body language. She sat by and did nothing while her very young daughter told an audience of people to fight her. I watched and observed, and I was appalled.

My mother would have slapped me if I behaved this way (and she never slapped or spanked any of us), and I’ll be damned if my own daughter ever believes that this is anywhere near acceptable behavior. I was taught that respect is both earned and given. I don’t know what events led to this girl’s attitude, and I don’t care. There is no reason for the level of disrespect she displays. No excuses. Don’t try to explain her behavior to me. I want her mother to explain herself for the lack of discipline (or follow-through!), and this girl needs reality to slap her in the face hard enough to send her to the middle of next week.

I have worked my ass off just to barely afford what little I have, yet this preteen can monetize her appalling behavior? This is what is wrong with us. There are several hard-working individuals out there that deserve all the best and struggle to pay their bills, while shitty behavior gets rewarded.

What I want for this young person is to take a big swallow of her pride. She is not a good person, and her attitude will get her nowhere in the professional world. She’s on a very dangerous path right now and it could ruin her in several ways. I fear she’ll end up in adult entertainment, or scammed. She could become a high school dropout, or a drug addict. She could challenge the wrong person and not just get a good ass-kicking (I’ve seen the videos–it’s happened) but become seriously injured or killed.

I hope this girl receives a heavy dose of reality soon and cleans up her act. Her mother needs to put her foot down as well and discipline her child. Hell, sign this girl up for speech therapy so that she can properly enunciate because I only understood the “cash me ousside” part of the interview.

To the rest of us: when somebody displays atrocious behavior, we need to stop celebrating it. It’s incredibly disheartening when somebody so young and undisciplined can make a lifetime’s fortune for doing nothing but being vulgar. She doesn’t deserve a handout. Do I deserve one? Probably not, but I’m willing to work for my money. In fact, I have worked for it and will continue to do so. I just wish I didn’t have to struggle as hard as I do. My daughter deserves better.

Take care of how you share memes. Some of them are funny, and others glorify shitty things.

I’m all for spreading love, and definitely kindness. Sometimes stern words need to be said, however, and that is why I’ve typed these words in slight anger. Of course I’m upset about this. You all should be upset. We have just taught a preteen that her actions have no consequence and that she doesn’t need to alter her attitude or behavior, rather than teaching her not to speak to people the way she has.

Please, please, please practice respect and kindness toward others. You may not get it back, but that does not mean you stoop to their level. You are better than that. There is an actor named Zachary Levi who said some powerful words: “It costs nothing to be kind.” Take those words to heart, ladies and gentlemen. Kindness is difficult, and I know not all of my words here were kind. I’m only human, but I do try to be nicer than I feel inside. In truth, I’m beyond angry with this news. I don’t wish this young girl harm, but I fear that she will experience a lot of it should she continue on this path. To those of you wishing her to be harmed: Stop. That isn’t what she needs. She needs an ego-check. Her pride and ego need to be incredibly bruised, not her body.

Should there be any points I didn’t express well, please say something. I welcome constructive criticism. Should you disagree with something, start a friendly debate. Should you feel compelled to say “She needs to die and get off the planet,” kindly leave my blog and take a long, hard look at yourself.

Thank you and good night. Spread love, folks.

Daycare Blues

When I was pregnant I had a part-time position that I fully intend on returning to. Less than halfway through my pregnancy, my supervisor called me and informed that another teller is leaving soon after I return, meaning a full-time position is available if I want it. I accepted the full-time position, knowing it meant more time away from my precious baby (but more money to support her with).

What does this mean? Daycare. My heart hurts just thinking about it.

There’s more pain to this story: Three daycare centers in my town have closed, making the waiting lists at the remaining centers ridiculous. I called a center (that I know is still open, thank goodness) during my fifth or sixth month of pregnancy and got myself on that waiting list. I still haven’t heard from them, and my daughter is 7 weeks old. I don’t even want to touch the subject of how much daycares charge people.

I’m forced to turn to friends and Facebook, begging for childcare. People I have never met have started offering to babysit, and I have to rely on others to tell me if these people are trustworthy.  A while back, a friend of mine recommended a lady she used way back when. I met with her, and she is very nice. I like her, and the price is fine. Here are my issues: she’s older and her body probably won’t agree with taking care of an infant, she doesn’t want to work Fridays because she’s older, and once a week she watches a two-year-old foster boy that came from a bad home and has a tendency to hit others (while I was talking with this lady, he actually hit my daughter. It wasn’t a hard hit, but it was a hit nonetheless!).

Moms, the heartache is real. To my fellow working moms, my heart goes out to you. Leaving your precious baby under the care of somebody else and trusting that they will care for them is enough to rip your guts out. I don’t want to go back to work, and especially not full time. I wish I could stay at home.

I’m not ready to spend my days away from my baby.

I put the word out that I need childcare. The same friend has put her feelers out and is going to try to set me up with somebody else that can watch her. Another has put the word out because she knows more people than I do. Several women have sent me messages offering to watch my girl. It’s heartwarming, it’s overwhelming. I don’t want to deal with it. It makes it all too real. It really does take a village, and I’m happy to have such good friends. I don’t know what I did to deserve it!

There’s the positive note I needed to end on. No matter how much a situation sucks, find something good in all of it. There is something. It might be small, but it’s there, and hold on to it.

Be kind to each other!

 

Update:

Somebody has already warned me against two of the people that have offered to watch my daughter. Do I know this person? Nope. But it does help me make a decision!

There are advantages to small towns. Everybody knows somebody here.

Starting Out

I’ve tried blogging in the past. It hasn’t worked out well for me. So here is my 54th attempt! (Just to be clear, I haven’t actually kept track; I just picked an arbitrary number.) In fact, when I created this blog I discovered that I had previously created a blog on this very same site! My intention for that one was for short stories, and that would be why it’s empty–I haven’t finished any of them!

First things first: My name is Lauren. I’m 27 years old. I like books and Netflix. I’m also a huge coffee drinker.

I’m a new mom to a beautiful little girl. I’m also a single mom. I’ve been single since about a week before discovering I was pregnant. This isn’t an invitation for a pity party; I’m simply describing my situation. I’m actually okay with being a single mom. Who makes the decisions? Me! Do I have to consult and compromise with anybody? NOPE. It’s a nice feeling. One day I might tell you the whole story.

I currently live with my mother. We’re basically roommates. We share the expenses and the cleaning, we each have our own TV as well as the living room TV, and we both cook. My mother has been amazing through this whole situation.

Here, I hope to chronicle my experiences and my no-bullshit-about-it feelings surrounding those events. I’ll include some Pinterest hacks and recipes that I’ll inevitably try, as well. Who doesn’t love the experience of trying Pinterest recipes?! A couple of them have worked for me in the past, why not try some more?

Sit back and relax (if you can), since I can’t!